wild pomeranians

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." ~Henry David Thoreau

Category: Uncategorized

A New Beginning…

As of yesterday, I am no longer a homeschooling mama.

I’m not even sure I ever was, as our homeschooling efforts have been something of a spectacular disaster, not to mention short-lived, but regardless, it feels so good to know that it’s over! I really wanted to be the kind of mama who homeschools, but in the end, it’s just not me. And I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to accept this about myself and just move on.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve spent so much time reading blogs written by women who have a bunch of children and who homeschool them all. In fact, in my own extended family, many of my cousins were homeschooled. Somewhere along the way I internalized that the epitome of good mothering was to homeschool. And after all the attachment parenting we’ve done, it seemed like the natural progression of things.

But the reality of it was much different than I anticipated. There were all the usual problems of trying to teach an older child with much younger ones needing constant attention, but at the end of the day, I just didn’t enjoy it and neither did Pumpy. For me, it felt claustrophobic, spending every single day stuck in our house together with little variation. Although I had originally planned for us to do different things (like museums, etc), it’s so hard to for me to find the motivation to haul all three kids out of the house together for something like that! It was just too much, and mentally, I could feel myself getting worn down with each passing day.

Anyway, I stand in awe of all the homeschooling moms out there who can manage that. I am not able to, and I honestly don’t want to! On Monday, Pumpy will join the kindergarten class at a nearby Catholic school. Papaya will be joining the preschool class three days a week.

I feel like a gigantic burden has been lifted. I feel like I can breathe again. The kids are really excited, too. And now I have the added bonus of a bit of one-on-one time with Thunder Thighs. 

  

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Introductions

The first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning is a vintage typewriter atop an old book hutch, put there specifically as a daily reminder to myself that I am a writer. It thus follows that I should actually do some writing then, doesn’t it? But apart from that, I can’t say for sure why I’ve begun this blog. I’ve thought about blogging for a long time.

And while I don’t know exactly what this will be about, I do know what it won’t be about, and that is motherhood; at least not directly. I’ve realized that motherhood has essentially eclipsed all other aspects of my life and as much as I adore being a mother, much has been neglected over the past six years, partly out of necessity and partly out of perhaps a misdirected sense of responsibility that somehow translated itself into self-deprivation as I raise three little people.

Yes, I know I’m not the first woman to do this, but still I think it’s such a tragedy. A needless one that I’ve come to know intimately. Surely, I’m not alone in this.

At any rate, this will certainly not be somewhere for me to feel sorry for myself or complain. Neither will it be a place to showcase my children and extol the virtues of stay-at-home mommy-hood. God knows there are enough of those blogs around, and besides I wouldn’t be a very good example anyway.

I hope that it will be a place for me to explore all of those long forgotten interests I once held dear, in that other lifetime that sometimes floats back to me in dreams, leaving me utterly wrecked upon waking and realizing just how far away certain things have gotten.

It will be a place for me to just think about things…that may or may not turn out to be important. I also hope that somehow this blog might prove useful to another woman, in the ways that my own favorite blogs have been useful to me. In the past, when I’ve stumbled upon a particularly exhilarating blog, I’ve had that lovely feeling of my world expanding just a bit.  

 Above all else, I intend to write with brutal honesty here. I intend to say things that I absolutely can not say in real life, but that I need to say, so I’ll say them to you. I will withhold nothing, save for the names of my husband and children.

I suppose I’ll just write this in journal form, and you can call me Lily, because I’ve always loved that name.